In my practice, I am frequently asked this question… “I understand where all my problems come from, so what now?”
As expected, working with a psychotherapist often leads to greater self-awareness and deep understanding of what is going on within a person. The origins of our problems are clarified, childhood grievances and traumas are revealed, which most likely influenced what we are currently experiencing, and perhaps in response to our clients’ requests… And, while recognizing with comprehension the source of our issues and symptoms (which is a crucial step in psychotherapy), it is never the only outcome that therapy may provide.
Next, comes acceptance. This includes the client’s acceptance of themselves and their story. Surely, it takes time and for some, it takes longer to arrive at self-acceptance. Acceptance is a process which includes both the emotional and sensory process, not just an intellectual one. The beginning of acceptance isn’t as simple as making a strong-willed choice as that is unrealistic. It isn’t how it works. Acceptance can require an association with the ‘other’ or another. The ‘other’ in the context of therapeutic work, can be referred to as the fully accepting psychotherapist, who genuinely embraces and ‘holds’ the clients’ emotions throughout psychotherapy. On numerous occasions, individuals who seek psychotherapy have experienced rejection by both or one of their parents/caregivers. This experience of being rejected is extremely painful, has an impact on their personality structure, self-esteem, and overall existence/life. Advocating as the other’, the therapist progressively accepts and guides clients in accepting themselves. In time, this acceptance becomes the client’s proud possession or ownership, if you will.
As we embark on our collaborative journey into psychotherapy, there is transformation. First, comes the transformation of the client’s story. This implies that after repeating the narratives of our life events (and sometimes quite emotionally charged ones), stories progressively lose their power and influences on a person. We no longer have to be held ‘captive’ by them. They are gradually experienced, embraced and begin to fade away or re-integrated into our present narrative. Finally, we experience transformation in our personalities/personas, including personality traits which may include both the desirable and undesirable behavioural habits. As our clients’ stories begin to unfold, they take on different shapes, painted in new colours and are often rebuilt with renewed meaning. This transformative process, or metamorphosis is enlightening. The inner wounded child matures into an Adult who recognises and accepts his or her own talents and shortcomings.
Olga Koronovskaia
