How many writers, poets, painters, filmmakers and philosophers have tried to express and explain this feeling called ‘love’? In psychology, questions of love were of interest to psychoanalysts, evolutionary psychologists, humanists and many other great thinkers. In this article, I considered the perspectives of Neo-Freudian Erich Fromm and existential psychologists, Viktor Frankl. In my opinion, they both deeply revealed great insights on this topic.
Frankl wrote that “Love is the ‘experience’ of another person in all its originality and uniqueness.” He also identified three layers of love. The first is the sexual relationship. Here, the physical appearance of the other person has sexual arousal, which in turn provokes sexual attraction to this stimulating object. Slightly higher is an erotic attitude. Frankl clearly distinguishes between eroticism and sexuality. With an erotic attitude, a person is attracted by character, or rather by some peculiarity of the character and traits of his partner. This will be different for everyone. Some are attracted to high intelligence, and others, for example, by adventurism. The third level is directly the level of love itself. Love is the final stage of the erotic layers. With her, a person loves another, realizing his originality and uniqueness. This layer affects the spiritual sphere of the one who loves. Therefore, according to Frankl, only a highly spiritual person can truly love.
Erich Fromm, in one of his most famous works, The Art of Love, writes that love is not a thing, but an action. This is not a skill that is often embraced. Yet, a delicate craft that requires patience and will to learn. Or, in the words of the author himself, love is an art. Love for another always begins with love for yourself. It is impossible to love another person if you have not learned to self-love. According to Fromm, there is fruitful or mature and unproductive or immature love. Fruitful love is related to a person’s ability and desire to give himself and his love, and includes such concepts as: responsibility, care, respect and knowledge.
Non-fruitful love is associated with consumerism. In the 21s century, consumerism appears to be a frequent phenomenon in modern society. In addition, according to Fromm, there are such types of love as: brotherly, motherly, erotic love, love for oneself and love for God. Love is not necessarily a relationship to a particular person. It also portrays the orientation of our character, which determines the attitude of a person to the world in general, and not just to one “object” of love. Someone who loves only one person truly loves no one. But this provision does not justify, so to speak, a loving character. According to existential psychologists, there is no place for betrayal in a truly loving relationship.
A few words about why we love or feel love. Most people experience incredibly strong feelings of loneliness and even alienation from others. Love is one of the means of escape from that loneliness. It is a noble remedy. After all, according to Frankl, the one who is loved begins to exist for real. And the one who loves is able to see the undiscovered potential in his beloved. Viktor Frankl believes that Love is not blind, on the contrary makes a person more sighted.
In conclusion, I want to say that it is important not only to become a mature person capable of love, but also to be able to preserve love. This is especially true for couples who have been married or in a relationship for many years. It is important to understand that love is not something given to us to use once and for all. The continuation of love is vital and requires support, protection and growth. We maintain our garden, which would fall into despair and disarray if we stopped looking after it. There will always be a need in life to be looked after and bring joy to our lives.
Olga Koronovskaia
